It's really what you are after. Personally I prefer a smaller, more intimate rp server like the World Serpent Inn than maxed out server numbers all day long (I also had a somewhat similar experience while I had tried TSM). It allows you to get to know everyone and likewise, everyone (including DMs) to get to know you. Which is not to say we have enough players right now, but if we were steadily around 15 to 20 all the time I would be very happy with that.
On that note, it's allowed the DMs of our server to provide more personalized events once that occurs. Currently I'm running a campaign centered around 2 PCs and their backgrounds which has been a lot of fun. Once it's finished, I'll be starting up another for other PCs and so on. I find it has the most meaning for the player and brings a lot of development for the character and fun for everyone involved.
Just my thoughts though, everyone will have different. If you let us know what you are after, as mentioned, we can help point you more toward a server that fits your ideal.
'> Good luck with your search.