Things Farmers/Peasants/Serfs/Villeins Say Contest

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Introduction:

For this month's CCC, I signed up to make some prefab farmers (serfs, peasants, villeins, cottagers, &c.) say random one-liners. Well I thought it would be fun if the whole community participated by voting if not submitting potential one-liners for inclusion.

 

The Rules:

1. Vote for each submission by "liking" it. Every submission that is liked, I will include it in the random one-liner script. (Since it's script-based, there is no limit to the number of possible speakstrings as far as I know).

   
2. And please feel free to submit your own one-liner for the community to like or ignore!

   
3. One submission per post otherwise I won't know which one someone liked.

   
4. It's OK to state that the one-liner is only for a male or female, adult or child.

   
5. Don't forget non-Human farmers!

 

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Male Adult Farmer to a female PC: "Nice udders!"

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Boy farmer: "Tut-tut. It looks like rain."

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Male Adult Farmer: "Women are like cow-pies. The older they are, the easier they are to pick-up."

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Teen-aged Farmer: "Ever tip a cow?"

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Male Adult Farmer: "That'll do pig. That'll do."

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

"How now brown cow?"

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Okay, not a one-liner but a classic exchange:

 

Farmer: "I told you. We're an anarcho-syndacalist commune. We take it in turns to act as an sort of executive officer for the week..."

PC: "Yes..."

Farmer: "But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting..."

PC: "Yes I see..."

Farmer: "By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs..."

PC: "Be quiet!"

Farmer: "But by a two-thirds majority in the case of..."

PC: "Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!"

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

Classic convo part deux:

 

Farmer: "Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses not from some farcical aquatic ceremony..."

PC: "Be quiet!"

Farmer: "But you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you..."

PC: "SHUT UP!"

Farmer: "I mean if I went 'round sayin' I was an emp'ror jus' because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

PC: "Shut up! Will you?!? Shut up!"

Farmer: "Ah now we see the violence inherent in the system..."

PC: "Shut up!"

Farmer: "Oh. Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

PC: "Bloody peasant!"

Farmer: "Oh what a giveaway. Did you hear that eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?"

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Grymlorde]

               

A pig or piglet: "Baa-ram-ewe! Baa-ram-ewe! To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true! Sheep be true! Baa-ram-ewe!"

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Tarot Redhand]

               

Ho hum let's get it out of the way now - "Four legs are better than two" and "All animals are Equal! (Just some are more equal than others...)" - paraphrased from "Animal Farm" by George Orwell.

 

TR

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_T0r0]

               

Age old joke of youth vs experience:

 

* 2 bulls on a hill overlooking a pasture with dozens of cows *

 

Young bull says to papa bull, "Hey papa, lets run down there and %*&@! one of those cows "

Papa Bull says, " No son, let's walk down there and @%$^!! them all !! "

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_Frith5]

               

Hmmm....

 

Bah! Fertilizer, she says. Fertilizer. Took me twenty year t'learn t'call it manure!

 

Be a farmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

 

Gods, me back's achin'.

 

Wisht it'd rain a bit more...

 

Wisht t'hells it'd stop rainin'!

 

Where in hell is that boy?

 

Potatoes, tomatoes, cukes, snap beans, carrots . . .

 

Ye'll want to watch yer step there <mister/missus>.

 

Mind yer step! Well, it'll scrape off.

 

Well fancy that, stomping all over my crops. I'll thank you to get outta that field.

 

I shoulda stood in bed!

 

Till, furrow, plant, rake, weed, water, harvest... then start all over again...

 

Damned sun.

 

Damned rain.

 

Damned wind.

 

Damned soil.

 

Damn.

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_rjshae]

               

Farmers' do it in the dairy air. (Bah-dum-tish.)

 

Farmer's plant it deep.

 

Farmer's do it butter.

 

---

 

Two cows are standing in a field eying a nearby bull.

 

Suddenly the bull explodes.

 

The first cow says, "That's abominable".

               
               

               
            

[Legacy_3RavensMore]

               

Careful now, your stereotype is showing.