I only have an answer for 2.
You can run the DM client without running nwn.exe. The DM client is the same as the player client ( nwmain.exe ) you just have to add a -dmc command line parameter to it. In order to do this I normall just set myself up shortcuts on the desk top.
Hmm, in order to make this answer simpler let me just post a pic, for the properties, of my short cut to log into the server, I am hosting, as a DM. minus the correct password of cource. the short cut is also on an XP OS.
in the Target Field you need to add the -dmc switch to the fole name. That will make the shortcut run the DM client instead of the player client. The full line I have typed in there is also not showing in the box It is to long. Here is the full line I have typed in:
C:\\NeverwinterNights\\NWN\\nwmain.exe -dmc +connect 70.185.174.129:5121 +password ENTERPASSWORDHERE
The -dmc is the switch to run the DM client.
The +connect 70.185.174.129:5121 directly logs me into the server at that direct connect address.
The +password ENTERPASSWORDHERE Log me in with the DM's password. Not give of cource.
I also have one to log me into the server as a player. The line for the Target field on thst one simply looks like:
C:\\NeverwinterNights\\NWN\\nwmain.exe +connect 70.185.174.129:5121
Then of cource I have a short for just generic player. Does not directly log me into a server. ( the standard nwn short cut ) the target field on that one is simply:
C:\\NeverwinterNights\\NWN\\nwmain.exe
My Last shortcut is a generic DM. The Target Field is.
C:\\NeverwinterNights\\NWN\\nwmain.exe -dmc
You can create a many shortcuts to the nwmain.exe program as you like. If there are three or four server you play all the time I would suggest that you just make a shortcut for each server you play. Rename the shortcut to the name of the server and add the correct switches to the shortcut to directly log you in. It is really that simple to set it up to just double click the short cut to directly log yourself into the server as either a DM or a player.