Deliciously-Demonic wrote...
Part 3
DD banged on the door. "Ay, Valen! Get your arse out here, there's a new girl who wants to meet you!"
No answer.
DD banged on it again. "VALEN GET THAT TAILED ARSE OUT HERE BEFORE I BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN AGAIN!"
"Calm down, Demon, I'm coming!"
Erin nearly fainted when she heard that voice. THAT VOICE!
The
door swung open, and standing in the doorway was a six foot tall,
muscular man with long red hair, wearing a white t-shirt and a plaid
jacket, faded blue jeans, and thin glasses.
He looked...normal!
"Valen,
you're still wearing your glasses." DD said, mono-tone. "And hasn't
Tanky told you not to wear your ball cap when you're inside the temple?"
"Huh?" the tiefling blinked as DD deftly removed the the hat and the reading glasses.
"There, better." the girl smiled. "Anywho, this is Erin, she's new here and she wanted to meet you.
"Oh." the tiefling smiled briefly at Erin. "How are you this evening, my lady?"
Erin then proceeded to faint.
DD giggled at the unconscious fan-girl.
"Gets 'em everytime, eh Valen?"
The tiefling sighed at his friend's disregard for the fact that Erin was beginning to bleed. "Demon."
"What?"
the ADHD Demonic blinked at the tiefling for a moment before looking
down at the slowly growing puddly of blood. "Oh. Well, pick her up and
let's get her back to Tanky." Valen nodded and easily slung the
unconscious Erin over his shoulder.
The two began to walk back to
the Common Room in a companionable silence, until a red-headed elf ran
up to them. No, not the Seer; this girl was taller, plumper, her hair
was pulled back into a loose bun and she was carrying a plate of
chocolate cake.
"Hey, Drima." Elizabeth and Valen said in unison.
"H-hey guys, where's the cake eating closet?" Drima asked, eyes wild, and repeatedly looking behind her.
"Uhm...you passed it. It's about three hallways down the way you came."
"GAH!" was all Drima could say as suddenly four more girls ran down the hallway;
"DRIMA GIVE US THE CAKE!" an elf with dark skin and hair, named Dirtsa, cried.
"Yeah, its not fair-"
"-that you get to-"
"-eat it all."
These
two were Meeszy Alexy and Tashah, two elves who looked the exact same
and (despite not being related in the slightest) acted like identical
twins.
The third, Eridhan, one of the only humans in this entire
joint, knocked an arrow enchanted with Hold Person and loosed it
expertly; it hit Drima in the shoulder, forcing her to freeze in place.
"HAHAHA! OUR CAKE NOW, BIATCH!" Tashah screamed loudly as she and Meeszy caught up to Drima, Dirtsa on their heels.
"We might want to run, my lady." Valen muttered out the side of his mouth to DD, who nodded in agreement.
The
two did a small tap dance before slipping into another hall-way; the
last thing they say was Meeszy beginning to sing her ballad of the
Dracolich and the Gelatinous Cube as punishment to Drima for stealing
the cake.
"Seer Tanky," DD saluted as they entered the Common Room. "Lady Erin swooned and bashed her head open.
With a sigh, Tanky replied, "I knew we should have replaced the marble with some groovy carpeting."
"With all do respect, Seer Tanky," DD said nervously. "Your idea of 'groovy' is actually un-groovy to many of the girls here."
"That's
the price I pay for being the only one with a sense of style," Tanky
said with a long sigh. "I mean, honestly;" she waved a hand towards her
own robes, then towards DD's black leather armor.
"Ay, that hurts." DD winced very visibly. "My armor is very in style!"
"In
the Underdark, maybe." Tanky said briskly. "But no matter, we need to
heal Erin." she snapped her fingers Erin's boo-boo was made all better.
"Kay, shimmy her up the stairs and put her to bed, kiddos, I've got a
date."
"With Imloth?" DD put her hands on her hips and glared at her Seer, who nodded bashfully. "Again?"
"He's a very nice man, for a male." Tanky objected, bristling slightly.
"That makes about as much sense as why this story is being written."
"AYE! NO BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!"
Deliciously-Demonic wrote...
Part 4
When Erin awoke once again, the hallways were filled with fan-girls of all types - Valen, Alistair, Bishop, Fenris, etc. - running around screaming bloody murder. Many had weapons, and those without weapons had robes that signaled their status as spellcasters.
She stumbled out of her bedroom, and DD ran up to her.
The girl was no longer human. Instead, she now had large, black-feathered wings and a tail similar to Valen's, but with a black spade on the tip.
"What-" Erin began, but DD cut her off swiftly.
"One, I'm in my tiefling form, two, we're being attacked by trolls!"
"Trolls?"
"Trolls, girl, trolls! DA2 is out, and now they're running rampant with spoilers!" DD began to scream, hyperventilating; Erin smacked her across the face.
"Get a hold on yourself, Demon!" the fan-girl cried, shaking her shoulders. DD slapped her back.
"Don' you be slappin' me, girl!" she retorted, suddenly with a ghetto-ish accent in her voice.
"Oh no you di'it!" Erin cried again, not really sure where that came from, and then slapped the now-tiefling.
Who slapped her back.
This slap-war went on for a good solid five minutes until Seer Tanky ran up to them.
"STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!" she screamed. "THIS IS A VIOLENCE FREE TEMPLE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, OR DO I HAVE TO BEAT IT INTO YOU!"
"That's rather hypocritical, Seer-"
DD was silenced as Tanky raised her hand it a back-hand motion.
"Nevermind." the tiefling girl said hurriedly, backing away. "We need to find Valen."
"Right here, my ladies." Erin looked over, heart fluttering slightly, as said tiefling man walked up to the three.
"Wonderful, how are the wards holding up, Valen?" Seer Tanky asked quickly.
"They're down."
"Holy ****aki mushrooms!" DD cried, kicking a the ground angrily. "I spent weeks on those wards!"
"I know you did, Demon, and I'm sorry-" Valen cut off as he saw DD was in her tiefling form; his eyes flashed red, and his hands twitched.
"Ay, you attack me, I'm donkey kicking you in the groin, Valen!" DD snapped warningly.
"What's going on?" Erin muttered to the Seer, watching the two tieflings lash their tails and glare.
"DD's tiefling form is her main form, it's part Erinyes. Devil, Baatezu, whatever." Seer Tanky shrugged. "Valen's part Tanar'ri, so whenever DD's in her tiefling form, they want to kill each other. But her tiefling form is her strongest form, so..."
"Brilliant." Erin sighed, rubbing her temples.
"I'm sorry that you're being forced into this, Erin." murmured Tanky, placing a hand comfortingly on the fan-girl's shoulder.
"The Trolls! They have major plot spoilers!" a voice suddenly screamed. Erin turned to see two identical elf girls running up (she wondered briefly if there were any real humans in this place at all).
"What?!" Tanky jumped violently, turning as well. "Meeszy, Tashah, where's Drima?!"
"They got her!" Meeszy said, wheezy.
Next spoke Tashah; "She got a major plot spoiler-"
"-concerning Fenris!" Meeszy finished.
"Oh, no!" Tanky brought her hand to her cheek dramatically.
" But the majority of the girls here are Fen-Girls!" DD input, shocked.
"Shocking." Erin muttered sarcastically.
"You want to be shocked?" DD asked with narrow eyes.
"Go ahead, shock me." Erin replied, sure that the tiefling-shapeshifter-weirdo couldn't do that.
"I once had a threesome with Valen and my friend Drima." DD said nonchalantly.
Many things happened after she said this;
1) Valen's head imploded from sheer embarrassment.
2) Tashah began to gape comically at DD
3) Tanky sighed, waved her hand and fixed Valen quickly.
When Valen's head mishap was corrected, he turned to DD with a face so red it rivaled his hair.
"D-demon that's not what she meant!" he snapped.
"Actually, I'm shocked. Intrigued, and yet disgusted." Erin blinked. "We must talk of this later."
"Yes, preferably at a time when the temple isn't being sieged by trolls." DD dead-panned.
Valen began stuttering, but Demon ignored him, kicked a random boom-box that began playing 'American Idiot' by Green Day.
"LET'S KILL THESE TROLLS!" DD screamed, fist-pumping. Everyone in earshot, save for Valen and Erin, began whooping enthusiastically.
And so began the Epic Battle of Fan-Girls and Trolls.
NOOOOOEEEEESSSSS! I IS BEING TROLL-SPOILER-BAD-HANDED! WHERE IS MY ANTI-SPOILER-TRAINED ARMY OF DOOM CATS??? I CAN HAZ HELP?
'>
-is being slowly brain-deaded by troll-spoilers and starts to speak in lolcat-
D-D, I so very much love you! You are ridiculously awesome! You know it!
You just become the First Great Prophetess Of Valen Thread! A thread-god! Wait and feel power of our worship falling over you! <><><>
PS. Bits in bold cracked me up so much I cried laughing. Bits in italiced bold killed me with their awesomeness.
Modifié par Drima, 08 mars 2011 - 07:40 .
